his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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