when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
