What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
How naked do you want me to be?
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