I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
