theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
