dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
