I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
