You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
