Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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