Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
