and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
