I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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