But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize