Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
