I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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