I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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