i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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