well you can't waste a boner
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
