Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize