forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
40s are totally the cure
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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