I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
