Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Actions speak louder than pants.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
