Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
