so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
