Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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