U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
