My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
