What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Randomize