could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
