put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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