I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
