Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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