I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
