i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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