My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he was CRYING into my vagina
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
