I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
