My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
