Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
