I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
