i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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