Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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