I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
