The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
