Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need to sanitize my soul.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
