We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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