Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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