Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
