i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
