You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize