I will die if light touches me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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