It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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