I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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