He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
