Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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