If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
