I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
