Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
