I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
