Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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