the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
