K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
