and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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