So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
