mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
