why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
