I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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