I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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