Three words: puerto rican gang bang
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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