I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
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