When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
