shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
